Aachi Athai : the large hearted one !

 

What can one write in a few paragraphs about this person who had no haters and one who influenced the entire family, my dear Aunt, Aachi Athai (otherwise known as Mrs.Lakshmi Subramanian) ? My late Father's Sister who was a core influential figure in our lives till today and will continue to inspire the next generation. A simpleton at heart and always cared for everyone else except herself, generally speaking. Worried sick of not just the immediate family but of neighbours, friends, Colleagues, Drivers, Domestic Help, Vendors and the list goes on. Selfless person with a heart of gold !

The one lasting memory for me that characterised her, before anything else, is probably during one of the school summer holidays spent at Virinchipuram, the home of my grand parents. This was the time when most of the Cousins got together and we were a raucous  bunch of kids swarming our grand parent's home, the Temple, the nearby river stream ('Aaru')  and the immediate vicinity of the home. My grand mother's rule was that everyone should eat at home together. She used to prepare for this large group of 10-15 of us, including her children and we used to be served on our palm in a round robin fashion. Aachi Athai was the eternal disruptor of this arrangement and quite a few times, used to sneak this entire bunch of Cousins (including her children) out in single file, with each of us creatively coming up with some excuse (to our grandparents) to leave the house and take us to the probably only eatery in the vicinity of the home, for some piping dosas and such snacks. My Grandparents would never know of this ganging up plot and the architect was none other than my Aunt, Aachi Athai. She wanted us to have variety and would somehow muster up some cash tied in her saree 'pallu' to fund this then-luxury of eating out.

It is not impossible to understand that she instilled this sense of being different and staying true to oneself in all of her children (my cousins). Be it the cricket craziness of her son, Suresh, the articulate & creative Subha and the adorable musical twins, Raji & Viji. The modest environment she lived most of her life in, never ever overwhelmed her. She, along with the late Athimber would find a way out. That resilience is there to see in all of her extended family as they have navigated some tough times in their respective lives. She was their insurance, cheer leader and the safety net.

The children initially and later on,  the extended family of grand children and great grand children were always her Universe.  She was the eternal baby sitter, the default homemaker, the disciplining Adult for all of them and would stand by them through thick and thin. She would be the sponge to absorb setbacks but never heard her moan or complain.

She was one big hearted Lady whose first few sentences of any conversation, whether it was over phone or in person would be to enquire how one was doing and if they had eaten besides asking the well being of everyone else in your family & friends tree of influence (the ones she was aware of).  No trip to Chennai is ever complete for any of us without dropping by her home to meet her. One could go at 11 pm and she would not hestitate to cook up something for you and insist that you stay back. No advance notice ever required.

Athai was the Encyclopaedia Brittanica of the Family with one difference. She was invested in the well being of everyone and not just knowing for posterity. If you were doing well in whatever profession / life situation, it would give Athai an immense pleasure and would proudly share that news with others. She also shared and felt the pain in case life wasn't doing someone close to her, any favours. Her large hearted support was always there. 

Over the years, she developed many age related issues including mobility, heart scares and in general, different illnesses.  Before she was constrained to move around due to difficulties with her mobility, she would not hesitate to travel to places like Bangalore by train or car just to 'sync up' with all of us let alone attend family events. While her zest for family visits and travel were curtailed, she was never out of touch about the goings-on in the family, worry sick about others' wellbeing and in general be the supportive Matriarch for all of us. 

Her sense of humour and unique laughter is something we will all miss. The genuine warmth with her welcoming smile and the bear hug she gave you , will remain priceless.

 An avid TV serial watcher, boosted by her daughter's scripting of many a Tamil serial, she would get very deeply engrossed and invested in the plot line. She would gladly be the filler for you in case you missed a few episodes, would question the characters and would seamlessly switch to contemporary domestic conversation with you :-) She would politely enquire with us, who were blissfully unaware of any of these serials, if we do watch these at Bangalore. My late Father would pick up her recommendations and watch them.

My Father and Athai were thick as thieves. They were always in touch and would do their bit of exchanging family gossip.  It would trouble my Parents to no end if they came to know that Athai or Athimber weren't keeping well or had some home accident of any kind. My Father would make it a point to visit her during such times, whenever possible. Her home was our default pitstop of our visits, even if it was just for an hour or so. You would almost always find her disappear into the kitchen or work for extended time to whip up dosas, idlis and meal items at any time of the day or night. She would not accept that you have indeed eaten and would necessarily insist on at least a token morsel of food to be eaten by you. It gave her immense pleasure in extending this hospitality for anyone who walked in to her home. I have heard of many a story from her daugther, Subha about Athai packing food for the accompanying Car driver and others. And the quantity of food was something else. She ran the OG  Cloud kitchen of our Family.

Athai and Athimber were, what one would traditionally characterise, as a devoted couple. Devoted to each other and to their religious beliefs. But never imposing on anyone. Athimber would be man of reason, a man of principles, meticulous to a fault and more importantly, a great foil for Athai. They would have their cute fights which would sometimes be a mini TV serial plotline of sorts, but would always end amicably. She was the engine of her home for Athimber and her four kids. He was the fuel for the family Engine. The quintessential couple who would be the cynosure of family gatherings and everyone looked forward to their blessings.  When we were young children, the Cousins would  get a folded currency note thrust into their palm when you bid goodbye to her, without their Parent knowing. 

A gifted singer, self taught and with such a melodious voice would be called up in every family function - weddings to house warming sessions, to sing. And the trio of her and her twin daughters would fill the room with melodious Carnatic songs ! 

Athai, it was painful to see you suffer through your illness, particularly over the last few months. I had to come and see you in January of this year even though you were not in any position to recognise any of us. The only solace for all us is to reconcile to the fact that your suffering has eased. It is a huge loss for all of us, most of all to Suresh, Subha, Raji and Viji and to their families. 

Alas, the Family Nightingale has flown away into the sunset !