My Father, my tireless & complicated Hero !

As I write this in the lounge of the Bangkok Airport waiting to board a flight to see my departed Father
who lies at my Brother’s home, I’m engulfed with so many layers of memories and a number of
whys & whatifs.

What epitomized my Father was the extent of sacrifice he has done over the years, particularly during
the formative years of my siblings & me. He borrowed /pledged money to buy up a plot of CITB
land, (which in itself was re-allocated in the matter of an afternoon, due to political powers taking over
the allotted land at Sadashivanagar and instead allocating it at Basaveswaranagar.) and built up a
modest home with a single minded determination to put a roof over us and my extended family in
my Grand mother & her son. We did not have electricity or piped water for the first 6-9 months
and merrily gathered around a single petromax lamp that shed light for us to study, cook, eat &
sleep. Years later, when I could reach an understandable age, I figured out that he borrowed many a
loan from his office and his close set of office wellwishers and made every attempt to close those loans,
while not depriving us of a normal schooling. The everlasting memory that epitomizes this was the
Hercules bicycle that he used to ride to his workplace, a good 12 kms away with my sister perched in
front and me at the back, piggy backing a ride till our school, some 4 kms away. Him cycling to work
was solely to save up money for repaying the home loan. 

A few years later, when my brother Sreeram was just finishing his B.E degree, I got admission
eventually into KREC, Surathkal. He had to fund two of us pursuing professional degrees with me
staying in the hostel & had to pay up my mess fees besides my books. He valiantly bid for his
office scholarship that was to be given to one student from his office mates children and he was
disappointed that it was not awarded for the first two years. While the original awardee did not get the
requisite marks in the 3rd year, I was awarded for two years. I had , by now, realized that this did a
world of good for his finances.  This backstory stays with me to this day; is generally ingrained in my
DNA not to spend frivolously.

Till his very end, I cannot recall a single instance where he ‘splurged’, by his definition, on any
unnecessary household items or the like. With me ordering every stupid gadget and accessory that
I fancy nowadays and sending the courier to him (kept him engaged with me & gave him a
reason to call me - which was one of my reasons for getting items delivered to my parents’ home),
his eyebrows were raised and he just shrugged his shoulders at me conveying a subtle message. 
He used to ask somedays as to why I’m not ordering anything and there was a big gap between orders.

Much like him actually enjoying the zippy riders in my car on the highways, typically to his native
village at Virinchipuram or to Chennai for some family events /errands. He used to dilgently watch the
speedometer rev up , from the passenger seat while typically, my brother was put through palpitations.
He would faithfully report to the family about the top speeds achieved with a sense of pride but actually
putting me under a spot from a shocked mother/wife/brother/relative.

He felt the pain of others and often fretted and worried about it, even though, he had no role or
influence in the matter. It was just second nature to him that all known near & dear ones; friends
are keeping well and not going through any sort of trouble. He used to pull me up that I could not
manage to get a job for some multiple levels of indirection neighbour or officemate. He would chide me
for not remembering someone I used to play gully cricket with in the 80s or someone who used to
come with me on the BTS bus rides. My parents remember all those vividly and I have no recollection
of most of them.

Going out of the way to help family/friends/neighbours/acquaintances would be a gross understatement.
That was his way of life. I remember the extended public sector strikes that crippled many a neighbour
in the early ‘80s rendering their families without any income for basic needs. He made sure that their
kids’ education was not interrupted in any way or groceries were not short on their dining tables. 
This even included stocking up imported cement in our living room , up to the roof, for a neighbour,
just to ensure that the cost of construction is manageable for the neighbour and is safely secured
within four walls. 

When we first moved in to the Basaveswaranagar home, our open well was the source of drinking
water for the nearby homes & slums. He rarely sent anyone back, except if it was too dark and
dangerous for anyone to draw water from the well. There have been times, when the well was nearly
drawn dry but that was just routine for him as that helped scores of nearby dwellers. Cut to a few years
ago, he fell for a young rogue tricking him off his mobile phone, right in front of our gate, who flicked the
phone off and seemingly ‘exchanged’ his phone. He would not think that someone seeking help had an
ulterior motive. If I do a fraction of what he had done in his life by way of sharing & under-stated
philanthropy, I think this would make him feel that I have measured up to his standards.

For many years now, TV soaps, to a good extent triggered by my Cousin having written or directed them
or the multiple singing competitions, especially that of children or people with disabilities or
under-privileged backgrounds would move him emotionally. He would call me and ask me to vote for
some kid, when I’m seemingly engrossed in some mundane corporate meeting. He would follow up
within a few minutes to check if I had actually sent out some SMS to vote. Sports was an obession.
Did not matter which event and in what timezone. I had to call him and remind him sufficiently in
advance of some tennis match or a hockey match or a Sania / Sindhu / Saina match. Live matches
would keep him glued. He was one of those armchair sports supporter who would not take
casual / less-than-normal attempts kindly and has been known to switch allegiance / criticise players
mid-way in a game. Much like Whatsapp Trolls of modern day spewing theories. If some player
dropped catches or played slow, conspiracy theories would fly. Wish there were memes in those days.
He would have been a master troll.

Rags-to-riches stories touched him, probably because that’s what reflected his roots. This would be a
cause of friction somedays when he felt that I was not probably investing in some ‘safe financial
instrument. Mutual funds shocked him as they had the potential to wipe your investment. He would
allude to the fact that hard earned money should be saved up for an uncertain future as well as not
spent frivolously. . 

Over the last few years, he tried very hard to not let us worry about different instances of ill-health.
Was a constant source of quarrels and heated words once we came to know that he had some issue
detected or some procedure that needed to be done and we would be the last ones to know. He would
keep bad news away from us for the longest time. Would choose to call up a neighbour or a tenant to
take him to a hospital instead of ‘disturbing’ me or my brother from our ‘work’. This did cause some of
his ill-health later on, as he would choose to travel far on his own in Autos or walk, just to avail the
subsidized CGHS insurance health scheme. Some of his ailments could have been contained better
if only he chose to keep us posted at the right time. He forbade my mother to inform us. 

Towards the last few months of his eventful life, he chose to slow down and started withdrawing into his
shell and started to lose interest in most things. Unfortunately, health conditions ranging from his
enlarging heart valve to scares with his BP, his recent spinal injury and eventually the mild brain stroke
that just killed his true character. His brain stopped him to be alert, made him lose interest in anything
and eventually wanted to shut down. I learnt that he even dissuaded Doctors & Nurses yesterday from
conducting tests & providing treatment. Looks like he decided that his time had come, 4 days before
what would have been his 82nd birthday !

True to his self, he was very clear that he wanted his body to be donated to any medical institution
for the students to learn, research & study. That is what we are setting out to do, tomorrow.
Already, his cornea grafting has been done and hopefully, two deserving recipients get the gift of sight
an help us see him through them.

I’m getting ready now to board a flight out to see him one last time and thank him for all what he has
done for us. 

I will try to add more memories & snippets as I recall. 

Farewell & rest in peace, Anna !  Don’t worry, Amma is safe with us !